Score: 3

"Could Have Been Done Better"

submission: Bug War

date: June 3, 2009

I'll start off by saying that with a concept like this I exspected a little more depth and a little less grind. For example I tryied as both Ant and Beetle, and found even though the beetle is so-said stronger then the ant, and the ant faster then the beetle that you cant really tell. Sure it takes more then one any to destroy one beetle in the nest, and the ants can gather on an enemy out in the feild... however this could have been made evident more-so rather then simply having someone pick between strenght and speed. More stats would have made this more in depth with creating the "bug" you wanted. I'm not going to toss out suggestions because it will simply fall on deaf ears, but maybe intelligence as a stat.
Hand this to someone with a better mind-sent.
3/10 - 1/5

Score: 1

"Fail at Parody"

submission: Super Mafia Land

date: February 21, 2009

Well, lets begin with the flaws...

One, it was like playing Super Mario is slow-motion. Honestly - if somethings bogging down the performance, try and fix it rather then compromising with... a terribly done impression and drawing of Mario.

Two, character. One pro. is that there were different characters to play as - rather then the sad attempt at making mario into a pimp with an ungodly large nose. However after playing all three there weren't really any change to the playstyle, just a new shape to play with.

Three, enemies were... pathetic. Picking up a heart-shaped turnip and throwing it a short distance made this game slow and pedantic. First off its called Super Mafia Land, lets give 'em guns? No instead it was turnips, because we all often see gangsters throwing turnips at people...

Four, concept. What was the point of calling this game 'Super Mafia Land' without any... you know? Mafia-like reffrences? Well other then the 12 year old immitating Marios voice in the begining creds. there was nothing to refference this as a mafia title or mario parody - and it disticly says "Dedicated to our Favorite Childhood gaming exsperience..." Dedication takes more then a half-assed attempt...

Five, Why? Seriously why would you attempt to make a flash version of super mario, reface it, and butcher it to the point where it resembles a pile of bloody organs in a red liquid we can only guess is tomato juice.

For the Pros... well theres one, different Characters to play... Music was alright... and thats about it... In my personal oppinion its just a butched refacing and if it was ment to be a parody, it failed miserably, like a retard in the actual olympics. And like him, at least you'll get an award for trying...

Score: 1

"Ehhhhh, no."

submission: Closure.

date: February 2, 2009

YAWN

It was so so, kinda strange, good concept, needs lots of work, lags to much, and is basicly a mind fuck.

Score: 5

"S'all right."

submission: Free Board

date: February 2, 2009

I enjoyed the Free Board and the other option... which I spent so long in I forgot what it was called...
Anyways, good game. Could use a bit of spice.

Score: 1

"Dur, it sucked."

submission: Young Lee

date: January 7, 2009

Rather then say it sucked like the ass hat below me, tryosesr, lets give this a happy little review on why it was bad.

Nevermind, I'm bored with this.

Score: 4

"Okay."

submission: Time4Cat

date: January 7, 2009

The game was good.
As for the aspect, it was like watching a mentally challanged twelve year old lick the windows of the short bus.
Other then that it was good.

There.

Score: 5

"Ertz"

submission: "Notepad Drawing Collab"

date: January 7, 2009

Right, well it was alright. However, definitly look further for future artists. It was all virtually the same shit, meaning its all cartoony drawing that don't seem as though they take enough time and dedication, while others looked like they put the damn pencil between their toes and went crazy with it. Also I don't really see how this fits in the game area of NG, though this site is technically retarded I'm still loyal - to a certant point to where the M-Bot can lick my sack.
Try harder artists, good work... We'll say to be nice and happy with rainbows and flowers.

Score: 1

"Please, Great God of Pain."

submission: Ederon: Phoenix Rising

date: January 3, 2009

Alright, let me explain why card games exist in the first place; for one, card games helped supress the whole feeling of boredum of poor kids who couldn't afford a computer of major game system, which boomed in the actual holding and purchase of cards which led to collection and rubbing against them for sexual pleasure.
This, this is the internet, and when you start charging for fake cards created by mega pixels trasfered by fiberobtic cables you should have your testicles placed into an automatic wrench and have them popped like tiny grapes.

For the actual review... its almost simular you other card games that DONT charge to collect cards, yeah sadly your like everyone else but for some reason you seem to still thrive because morons actually have nothing better to do with their money because they still live with mommy and suck on her delicate teets. So good for you, you manage to actually get money from cards created with what looks like PhotoShop and piss me off all in one.
Dont get me wrong, the game is... alright, but as I said its simply another clone in the row of other card developers who create flash games. I don't fully understand how this can actually make some form of income, as it seems like its just one person doing all this with no actual common sense other then the fact that he's looked a few pokeman cards. Its sad, and you should be shot point-blank with a pelet gun.

Censor this. :)

Score: 2

"Seriously."

submission: Battle Gear

date: January 3, 2009

If a drunk man can play this game till round 27 then a retard should be able to actually withstand the constant repitition and bullshit.
I'm going to point out a few flaws in this game. And over exadurate because I hate everything and everyone.
ONE, honestly can you die? I managed to get my fort up to a number that didn't show up on the little data screen thing. and at the end of 28 I refused to send out troops, and couldn't die. Well I quit before then.
TWO, What the fuck is the point of money? I had enough to send twelve kids through collage, four whores, and a life time supply of Captian Morgan,
THREE, how the fuck can me clicking the shit out of the pistol troops manage to take out four tanks and a fortress? I'm not looking for allout realism but go't damn.
FOUR, why is it so FUCKING BORING, I'm easily distracted and still wanted to cram a fork into my scrotum to feel something from this game. What happened to the entire 'Flash' game paradise, when I could get pissed at my 360 and simply play flash games untill my eyes bled and still have some sort of fun.
FIVE, stop making games, its just making me hate you more.

CENSOR THIS, BITCHES.

Score: 4

"Really... I mean.... Seriously? Wow... Okay..."

submission: BR's FreeFall

date: July 19, 2008

Ehhh... I don't think I've been introduced to BR which I assume is Blue Rabbit, and... really I could care less. Anyways, Lets review.

First off, if you like these kind of games, then good for you, if you don't... well you're part of the majority of this world, and should start a club labeled "We Hate FreeFall Games". As for myself, well I thought it was so-so. So-so as in, I have nothing better to do so lets just play this game through to actually give a good review, and possibly point out every small flaw within the game to feel better about myself, and I shall do just that.
Graphics, well, they're nothing to spill a batch on your stomach about, but its well done. Hand-Drawn so it obviously took a bit of time, so thats something we can all respect. Different levels with different looks, thats fine. And while we're on the different levels of the game lets just get this out of the way...
Levels, alright lets point this out. In Super Mario, when you're hit, you blink showing that you're unable to be hit agian in a short few seconds. Please - Oh please - tell me why it is when ever the character hits one hazzard, he will freeze up, being vunerable by the next - convienetly placed - hazzard, soon making it impossible to get all the carrots. Please see... All levels past one.
Concept, well sorry, but this was already taken, the idea of putting other characters and obsticles and ect., ect. was tried, and done by just about every franchise. I remember playing a game like this on Willy Wonka when I was a kid, and NeoPets, when I was smoking pot. Its not a Nice idea and or concept. Its simply doing... just about what most have done before...
As for the game itself, well... Kudo's. Its not the worst game - I've seen some terrible ones - and it wasn't the best. Nothing to throw a riot over, and yet nothing to backhand your mother about either.